The Foundation I wish I'd Shared First

Here’s What I’m Sharing With You Now

If you follow me on IG or listen to the Mirror Talks podcast, you know my daily journaling is a non-negotiable. A few minutes daily. Pen on paper. What phase I’m in. Energy. Focus. Sensitivity.

It rebuilt my self-trust and brought me back to writing…

Substack feels like the place for the more intimate notes that come up in those sessions, so you’ll see roundups here, cycle, health, hormones, wellness and beyond.

Things I’m using, simple foods or new recipes I’m trying, scripts I’m testing, and real talk from my coaching practice and my own life.

The Truth That Punched Me This Week

It is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to heal a body you dislike.

In all my coaching programs, we have a section where we uncover some of the deep core beliefs you hold about your body.

If deep down you feel hate for your calves for instance (I was guilty of this for so many years!!), or if you feel shame about self-pleasuring, or you think your vulva is something you shouldn’t touch or look at, or if you think you’re not smart enough... no matter how you change your diet or what other wellness measures and strategies you apply... they won’t work!

For years I chased fixes. Appointments, protocols, supplements. The shift happened for me when I heard how I actually spoke to myself from morning to night. And every time I’d see myself in the mirror.

The tone was harsh!

How I Healed my Dysmorphia

What the hack is “Dysmorphia“? = A mental condition characterized by extreme preoccupation with self-perceived defects in the appearance of the body; body dysmorphic disorder.

I hated my calves. They’re thicker than “model” calves. They have an extra layer of fat. They’re chunkier than “normal” calves. And it bothered me. I was comparing myself to what I saw online, what I saw on other women. My body stayed tense for years and no matter what I did, my calves would ALWAYS be thicker.

Sourcing the belief was step one.

I had to find out where that belief was coming from, because it wasn’t mine.

You see, we all have these beliefs that shape the way we look at ourselves, shape the way we think about the world. They are our paradigm, our core beliefs that become the filter through which we see everything.

In my case, regarding my calves, I wanted to see if it was indeed my own belief or if, through comparison, I’d just associated being thicker with being lazy and gross whenever I looked at myself in the mirror.

So I did some digging. I reflected back, trying to find out where that belief was coming from.

I found it: fourth grade, school trip. I was wearing three-quarter pants, you know, like my calves and ankles were showing. They were obviously thicker than the other kids’. And there was this boy in my class, a bit of a problem maker, a little bit of a bully.

He looked at my calves and said I had legs thicker than men’s legs.

I remember how upset I was. I think it was in that moment when I decided I would never, ever show my calves and ankles again. I stopped wearing shorts for years.

I remember hot summers… I grew up in Romania where it would reach 40 degrees Celsius (104°F), and I would never wear shorts.

There was another moment I remember, because I was also very ashamed about my hands. I have thicker fingers. I don’t have those model-thin, very long, pianist fingers.

Again, I did the same exercise. I wanted to see where that belief came from.

Internet trolling.

I remember posting a picture, I think I was in high school, on Facebook (there was no Instagram back then). There were so many comments about my thicker fingers. People would say I had men’s hands.

That stuck with me.

I would always be so self-conscious whenever I’d post a picture with my fingers visible. And obviously my calves, I was always self-aware that they didn’t look like the model standard.

Step 2: Supporting or hindering your growth?

It was only when I acknowledged first where the belief came from, then I started to question myself: were these beliefs supporting me to grow, or were they hindering my progress in life?

The answer was obvious. They were hindering my progress.

Whenever I had to choose clothes or build an outfit for a certain event, I would always be so concerned about how my legs were going to look.

Once I worked on that belief... and I reframed it…

I don’t know how it happened, but everything else just aligned.

I started working out. I got into strength training. I changed my diet. I made all these changes, but I wasn’t focused on slimming down my calves and getting rid of the cellulite. No, I was focused on other things.

I let go of those beliefs that were holding tighter to the fat on my calves than my body ever could.

In a few years, my calves slimmed down. And I’m so happy with how my fingers look now. I’ve never been self-conscious about them since.

We have to make peace with how all parts of our body look. We have to LOVE our body first.

If harsh self-talk flares your bladder, gut, or mood… step away from it.

Your nervous system listens to your words!!!

The Reframing Exercise

I encourage you to use this exercise anywhere you need it.

I’ll share the exact instructions below, and you can do it with any parts of your body you feel insecure about. It’s actually a great exercise to start digging into your core beliefs when it comes to the menstrual cycle too.

You know, we’ve passed down shame generation after generation. That’s why the menstrual cycle was taboo for so long… because there was shame associated with it.

Even if you personally, deep down, don’t believe there’s shame behind your period... maybe your mom did. Maybe your grandma did. Maybe someone in your family, somewhere down the line, believed there was shame associated with it.

And these kinds of beliefs? They’re passed on from generation to generation, even if they’re not acknowledged by you.

So doing some digging here is going to help you unlock that first layer of beliefs that might be holding you back from healing your body fully.

Things I’m Loving Right Now

Some of the things I’m loving right now, because I also want to share what I do on a daily basis. Things have changed and my routine shifts every few months. I’m adding something new or removing something depending on how I feel.

I love consistency, but I also love creative play. So I always leave room for building something new in or taking stuff out.

• Red Light Lamp

Right now, I start my morning, especially now that it’s dark outside, with red light therapy for about 10 minutes using my lamp from Block Blue Light [Link to the Mini Lamp]. I have my matcha while I do my red light session, and I always play music in the background.

Right now I’ve been hooked on Olivia Dean for a few months. I’m obsessed. I play some Olivia Dean or some very light, very girly vibes in the morning. It just makes everything feel so nice.

• Matcha

I’ve been using matcha from Yoisho, but if you have recommendations for matcha, I’d actually love to hear from you because I need to try more brands, like ceremonial grade matcha. Drop it in the comments if you have recommendations. I’d love to try them out.

• Workouts

I also still work out about three to four times a week. I’m mostly doing strength training. That’s one of my non-negotiables.

• 6-10k steps daily

I force myself to get outside as much as possible, even though the weather is shit here in Amsterdam. Walking around and taking more breaks, because it’s so easy to just stay at your desk for long hours when the weather’s bad. You don’t really want to put on all the layers, the extra jackets, the coats, the scarves, all of that stuff.

So I try to move as much as I can, even if it’s not 10K steps a day. Some days I have maybe five or six thousand. It’s on the low end, but at least I’m still moving.

I know we tend to be a lot more comfortable and stagnant during these months, so I’m forcing it a little bit.

• Journaling

I’m journaling. I love journaling. As I said at the beginning of this article, I LOVE it! so journaling is my non-negotiable.

Topic I’m Unpacking With You Next

I have a few ideas for what should be the next topic here on Substack, but you have to let me know what you want to hear from me because I can go in all directions.

Here are some ideas:

• HPV Journey

I was thinking about breaking down my journey with HPV. This was a virus I had for years and struggled for years to clear from my system. I could go into what I personally did to heal from this virus.

• Cycle Phases

Maybe you want to dig more into the menstrual cycle. If you have a specific cycle phase you’d like me to explore deeper, let’s do that.

• Strength Training

Strength training could be another topic, like how to start your strength training journey. I’ve been into strength training for over six years now and I do it religiously. If you saw on my Instagram, I posted a few weeks ago a video [The video I refer to] of what my muscles actually look like. I don’t really show my muscles anywhere on socials, but I know sometimes you need proof to see that, hey, she actually knows what she’s talking about.

So I know muscle. I know how it works. And that’s why it’s everywhere in my holistic coaching programs.

• Other topics

Maybe it’s ways to support ovulation? Maybe it’s recipes? Should I share what I’m actually eating now? Because I’m kind of obsessed with soups. Honestly, these past few months have been all about soups. Maybe you want me to share some of those recipes.

You let me know. I’ll be here and I’ll do exactly what you need me to do.

Before You Go [little gift]

Okay, and if you made it this far in the article, I’m going to give you the unofficial invitation to the private community space!!!! 👀

This is the space I opened up on Skool. We have just a few very exclusive members there, but you made it all the way down here, so you have to see what’s going on in this community.

You’re gonna hear first what’s happening.

Come in there, it’s a space where you can ask all your questions, ask for advice, see what other women are doing. We talk all things nutrition, movement, nervous system regulation, stress management, everything cycle-related and conditions too.

You can actually have conversations with women. We hop on calls with the community. You can also unlock courses, like free courses and materials.

It’s a lot more interactive. A lot more conversation can happen than here on Substack.

So come join!!!!

This is 🔗the link for your exclusive invite!!

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